The Wizard of Ooze
by Mikaela II
Summary: A spoof on the Wizard of Oz starring many characters from various parts of the TMNT series, movies and cartoons alike. Written in response to a plot bunny idea a fellow writer had.
1. Chapter 1

This was in response to a plot bunny posted on SS by SwellShellsx3. I saw the idea and felt an intense compulsion to write this atrocity... please forgive my blatant bastardization of TMNT and The Wizard of Oz to create... The Wizard of Ooze.

Disclaimer: I don't own the TMNT or anything affiliated therein, I just use them from time to time to achieve my own selfish desires!

* * *

Donatello frowned, ducking his head into his shell as a bo swooshed scant inches overhead in a killing swing. Popping his head back out, he retaliated with a sharp rap to the Foot soldiers temple, effectively knocking him out for the time being. 

"Don!" Grabbed his attention before it could be turned on the next nearby foe. Mike waved him over with one nunchaku, spinning the other in a dizzying parry, rendering one of his three assailants weaponless. "I could use a hand here, ya know!" A meaty 'thunk' later, the weaponless would be attacker slumped in a heap, hampering his ninja buddies for all of two seconds. More than enough time for Donatello, genius in green, to leap to his bogged down brothers' aid.

"Fair fight, anyone?" Donnie asked, using his bo to trip one Foot ninja attempting to jump over his fallen comrade towards Mike. He then used the remaining momentum to swing it back around in a spin to smack the other foe square in the face. "I win, you lose!" He cheered, leaping over the pile of ninjas to land beside Mike. The remaining Foot soldier leaped over the side of the building after a token effort was made to fight the brothers.

The fight effectively over, Mike and Don set about tying up the foot members, exchanging cheerful jibes as they worked.

"Dude, I so had those guys," Mike said, double knotting the cord he'd wound around the chests of three ninjas propped together. Grunting, he tested the strength of his knot before moving to the next set of crooks.

"HAD those guys?!" Don chortled from his end. "Are you kidding me, Mikey? Wasn't it you I heard yammering like a little girl for me to help you a few minutes ago?" He stood up after tying his own knots and struck a dramatic pose "Oh Don, save me, save me! These ninjas are too much for the Mikester to handle!"

"WHAT-ever dude!" Mike replied, laughing. He tossed the leftover cord back to the purple banded turtle. "Lets get out of here and finish this patrol up." He smile slyly. "Five bucks says Leo's pissing Raph off by acting like a mama hen"

Don chuckled, stowing the rope "Whatever you say, bro." He placed a quick 911 call on his shell cell before stowing that as well. "Let's go!"

The two set off for the lair at a loping run, leaving the bundled ninjas in an easily visible portion of the buildings fire escape for the cops to pick up, after the had assured them they would 'get right on it'.

* * *

"We're ho-ome!" Mikey shouted upon entering the lair, making a beeline for the couch and the remote to the television. Shortly thereafter, the theme to Gundam Wing was blaring away, creating a din loud enough to cause an aging visage to poke its head out from behind a shoji door. 

"Michaelangelo, please turn the volume down," Master Splinter said loudly, wincing at the noise. Michaelangelo complied instantly, grinning sheepishly.

"Sorry Master!"

Splinter smiled wryly and returned to the relative quiet of his room, shoji door sliding smoothly shut.

"Jeeze Mikey," Raph said from his seat on the couch, rubbing over his left ear, grimacing in pain. "Could'ja get any louder?" Leo looked over, grinning, as Raph returned to his popcorn.

"Mike, any more decibels and your ninja skills will be shot!" Mike waved the comment off with a flippant twitch of the wrist.

"Nonsense Leo!" He exclaimed, demonstrating his top-notch ninja skills by snagging the bag of popcorn, and even the piece Raph'd tossed up in the air to catch in his open mouth. "The Mikester will always be on his A game when it comes down to ninja time!" He ate the popcorn, and gave his elder brother a cheeky grin.

"MIKE!" Rap roared, lunging off of the couch towards his crafty sibling. Mike 'eeped' and took off at a dead run through the Lair.

"Don't kill me, Raph!" He screeched, adding more speed. "AAAAA!"

"Try and stop me!"

* * *

Donatello had retired to the sanctuary of his room-cum-laboratory upon his and Mike's return from their patrol through the South Side, before the popcorn mayhem broke out. A crash brought his gaze from the wiring before him to his door and two shadows streaked past, various 'strongly worded' phrases filtering through the screened door. Rolling his eyes he returned his attention to the motherboard n front of him. Sighing, he rubbed his eyes in frustration at the mess before him. 

"Mikey, Mikey, Mikey." He murmured, reaching for his soldering iron. Somehow Mike had tried to upgrade the family's computer and instead of taking out the right item that was to be upgraded, he had somehow removed the motherboard, and shoved the new graphics card into the improper slot, effectively ruining both the new card and the computer. _Double-sigh_.

Carefully soldering the ripped out pieces back in to place on the board, he double checked his handiwork and groaned seeing that he was missing a wire. '_Replacement_' he thought, looking up at the stacks of boxes on shelves that always looked to be on the verge of collapse. 'Mm_, that one_.' He decided, standing and stretching his arm upwards to the box of parts in mind.

"Damn!" He cursed quietly, looking around for something to stand on to reach his spare wire box. Settling on the chair, Don perched himself precariously with one foot on the chair, the other on his desk, far away from the hot iron, and reached... reached...

_**BANG!**_

The door to his lab slammed open, Mike streaking inside, Raph hot on his heels.

"COME BACK HERE RUNT!" The red one bellowed as the orange tore right at Donatello, "DONNIE! HELP!" who was spreadeagled in air, one hand on the box, one hand free for balance, feet on the chair and desk respectively.

"MIKE!" Don bellowed as the youngest turtle continued running at him. Mike stopped inches short of Donnie, only to have Raph plow straight in to him, and both right into the chair Donnie was balancing on. Don flinched as his whole room seemed to vibrate from the impact, muscles tightening as the fall became inevitable.

Mike and Raph were perfectly still on the floor as Don slowly opened his eyes, breathing a heavy sigh of relief as nothing happened. Leonardo's head poked around the corner as Donnie jumped nimbly down from his perch, menacingly advancing on his brothers in an uncharacteristic rage as Raph picked himself up and bodily hauled Mike from the floor.

"Get. Out." He said evenly, eyes carefully neutral. Mike flinched and Raph matched glare for stare. Leonardo sighed and withdrew from the doorway, muttering about uncontrollable younger siblings.

"Sorry Donnie," Mike whispered, eyes apologizing.

"Please leave." Donnie said very quietly. Mike shuffled backwards, followed by Raph, who made a point of slamming the door as hard as he could, causing the whole room to vibrate once more. Donatello turned back to his workbench, wire in hand, hoping that finishing this project would ease the dull anger seeping through his veins. A creaking sound caught his attention.

Time slowed as the precariously loaded shelves groaned, then buckled under the load they carried, sending a tidal wave of electronics pouring down on the brainiac turtle.

"Aw, damn." Donnie said, before something struck him hard on the side of the head, his world exploding in flashes of colorful light, then darkness.

* * *

The first thing he noticed was that it was warm. Like the sun was shining directly on him. Donnie cracked his eyes open and immediately wished he hadn't, the bright light sending waves of pain coursing through his brain. He lay still, waiting for his pounding head to quit throbbing, before he attempted any more eye-openings. 

"Ugh." He stated, rolling over on to his stomach and pushing himself to his knees, eyes still closed. "Lets try that again." he muttered, peeking ever so slowly at his surroundings. "Raph, Mike, you owe me big time junkyard assistance and a month of not breaking things for this." His eyes (and head) burned from the effort of allowing light in, but as they opened more, the hazy sight of grassy fields filled his vision. His eyes shot open against their will, despite the instant headache the act produced, taking in his surroundings in bewilderment.

_'I'm outside?'_ He thought dumbly, listing heavily on his left arm, the right shielding his eyes from the heady yellow sun. _'What the shell?'_

Closing his eyes he moved his head gently from side to side to try and shake off the hallucination he was experiencing. Then the sweet scent of wildflowers caught his nose, and something landed gently on the forearm lying across his face.

"YAAAH!" He shouted, rolling drunkenly, scrambling to his feet to face off the offending... butterfly.

"Wow, Donnie, this is a new one." he chuckled nervously to himself. He'd had some fairly vivid dreams before, but nothing came close to the sense of realness this dream/hallucination was producing. He backed away from the cloud of butterflies drifting closer to him until his shell came into contact with something quite solid, and probably heavy. He spun, coming face to face with a squat, three story building he recognized instantly as April's apartment complex, complete with the antique store on the first floor.

"What on Earth is going on?" he wondered aloud. "I remember Raph and Mikey tearing through the Lab, and getting hit in the head... where the heck am I? Is this some kind of hallucination?" He rubbed the back of his head, wincing when he hit tender spots. "I didn't think I got hit that hard!" He poked at the building. '_No way... it's brick all right_.''

A faint meowing caught his attention. "Klunk?" He queried, walking around the corner of the antique store. He was greeted with a 'mrrow' from a familiar orange tabby, who, between meows, was batting at some red socks poking out from under the building. "Klunk, what are you doing here? What's that ya got?" Don hurried over to scoop the cat up and investigate Klunk's findings. After a long moment of scrutiny, he raised his eyeridges in disbelief.

"Okay, this is downright weird." He said to Klunk, placing the tabby on his shoulder. "Why the heck is April's apartment here, on its side no less, on top of what I'm guessing, given the pink lumpy tentacles, is KRANG?" He looked at the cat, raising an eyeridge again in amusement. "Not that I'm really complaining, I mean the thing caused us so many problems over the years before we destroyed him, but why is he wearing red socks?" He gave another nervous chuckle. "That's downright strange."

"Dorothy-tello!" Came a faint, familiar, voice on the wind. It repeated its call as Donnie looked around in confusion. "April?" He called back, quickly stepping back as a pink bubble of light materialized in the sky and started floating erratically down, bouncing twice before skidding to a halt on the grassy knoll the apartment/shop/Krang thing was peacefully residing on. Don overheard a soft 'aw, dammit! I just washed this thing!' before the bubble came to a complete stop. A few moments passed, Donatello staring at the bubble which glowed in the noonday sun.

"Dorthy-tello." April's voice repeated the call from the bubble, in an almost musical manner. Don looked at Klunk, who gazed back with a meow that sounded an awful lot like 'Beats me!'. The bubble dissipated in a shower of sparkles, revealing April (or someone who looked an awful lot like her) in a froofy princess-like gown holding a long wand with a star on top. Her hair was still in its usual massive frizzy mane, but it was held back (barely) by a crooked, glittering tiara that sent spangles flying when the sun struck it. She was currently in a coughing fit from all the glittery stuff floating in the air. Donnie took a step back from the sparkly cloud. Once the air around her was beaten clear, she took a deep breath, focused on Donatello and smiled.

"Dorothy-tello, I am Glinda the good witch from Northside, welcome to Ooze."

Don and Klunk exchanged another glance. "Glinda? Oz?"

"Ooze."

"Okay, Ooze! What kind of joke is this?" He pointed at the smushed Krang under the apartment behind him. "And what's _that?" _

"Oh," April, (Glinda, Don thought. Right.) laughed and waved her wand at the apartment store in an offhand manner. "That used to be the Wicked Witch of the East, a pretty rude one if you ask me, but since you took him out you can have his socks. They're pretty cool." She said, striding over to the lone building, muttering expletives as she stumbled slightly over the dress hem, and upon reaching the lopsided building removed the socks from the slimy pink tentacles that curled limply beneath it. Wrinkling her nose in disgust, she tossed 'em at Donnie who jumped out of the way, the socks landing with a resounding 'splat' where he had just been, something viscous dribbling out of the tops.

"What do they do?" Donnie asked, gingerly poking at the socks with his toe. April (GLINDA! Donnie mentally shouted) shrugged.

"Not sure, really. They look pretty cool, though. Here- this'll make em look even cooler!" She grinned and waved her wand in an unusual, almost figure eight, pattern ending with the star pointed at the socks.

**POOF!**

In a shower of sparkles and pink fluff the socks became free of the goo, thankfully- but instead of plain red socks, they were now sparkly red socks. Don grimaced.

"What's with women and glitter?" He muttered, picking the socks up. "What, am I supposed to wear them?" He asked Apr-Glinda- who nodded.

"Hey, it beats walking around barefoot in this place." She said with a shrug, lifting her skirt hem and showing off her own sparkling pink socks. Donnie rolled his eyes and slid the grotesquely sparkling red socks on his feet. They fit surprisingly well, considering his feet were nowhere near human proportioned, and the last owner had tendrils instead of feet.

"Hey, these feel pretty good!" He exclaimed, taking a few bouncing steps. "What're they made of? Cotton? Rayon? Some ungodly polyester blend?"

Glinda shrugged again, giving him an odd look. "I don't know of this rayon spell you speak of, Dorothy-tello. They're just magic socks."

Don made another eyeroll.

"Now to see what to do with you." She murmured to herself, waving her wand in that funky figure eight pattern again. Nothing happened. Frowning, she tried again, emphatically. STILL nothing. Growling a little, she waved the wand viciously about in that pattern muttering something about 'that damn chalkboard' while Don backed slowly away, Klunk in tow.

**KER-POOF!**

::WHAT NOW GLINDA?!:: scribbled messily across the blackboard that appeared in a puff of cotton candy smelling blue smoke next to Glinda. words flowing across it almost like a drunken (or high) invisible person was writing. Don blinked rapidly before dismissing it as another bizarre part of a funky, possibly pizza induced, dream.

Glinda rolled her eyes in exasperation, thumping her wand against the side of the floating blackboard like April often did Mikey when he was being too goofy. "Hit the poppy field again, did we?" She snorted derisively as the chalkboard wrote a series of expletives across its facade. "Whatever. Anyway, magic board, see Dorothy-tello over there? She killed the Wicked Witch of the East, and got her socks. Now what do we do with her?"

The board and Glinda turned towards Donatello, who squinted as the tiara sent dots of light dancing across his eyes._ 'Man, this is one really screwy dream!'_

::Hmm... Dorothy-tello, you say?:: The board mused, its eraser tapping gently against its wooden frame, as if it were lost in thought. ::Meh,:: It wrote ::Send her to the Wizard. He might know what to do with her.::

Glinda nodded assent, as Donnie looked increasingly confused.

"Okay, seriously guys, I'm lost and I just want to go home. No, what I really want to do is wake up from this crazy dream that seems a lot like something Mike would cook up!"

::... Dude, he's nuts::

"Who's Mike?" Glinda asked, cocking her head, hands on hips. "You're trying to go home? Doll, this isn't a dream, you're in Ooze."

"What?! No way this isn't a dream that my subconscious somehow conjured up, using people I know as characters in some bizarro play!" Don replied, waving his arms for emphasis on how ludicrous the whole idea was. Klunk 'mrrowed' his concurrence from his perch in the hollow between Don's neck and shell.

::Seriously, send him to the Wizard. This guys is definitely nuts and should be checked out.::

"Well?" Glinda asked, glancing at Don. "Are you going to take Chalk's advice and go find the Wizard?" Don gave her a look that screamed 'You've GOT to be joking!' She gave an exasperated sigh. "Look, either way, he'll have answers for you, and might help you get home, or 'wake up' (Here she made air-quotes and snickered) like you said earlier."

Don squeezed his eyes shut and gave himself a hard pinch on the thigh. 'Ouch'

He opened his eyes. Nope, still in this 'Ooze' place.

"Guess I don't have much of a choice now, do I?" He asked Klunk, turning his head to look at the tabby, the only other 'sane' person in the whole dreamscape. He meowed, and Don sighed resignedly. "How do I get to wherever this Wizard is?"

::All right!:: Chalk scribbled semi-legibly ::What you want to do is head to the town of Munchkin, and from there you want to take the main road out through the poppy fields to Emerald City... or was it through the mountains? Or was it the woods? Hey Glinda! Give me a hand here instead of playing fairy princess!::

Glinda's eyes narrowed in anger, and she did that wand waving thing again before booting the message board back to wherever dimension it came from in an explosion of cherry scented pink smoke and glitter. "Dammit, not again!"

"Argh! That happens every time!" She fumed between sneezing fits. "How the heck can I be a fairy allergic to smoke!?" She continued sneezing and coughing for a good five minutes after, but once her allergic fit subsided into hiccups, she motioned Don over to the edge of the knoll they, the house, and the dead Witch of the East were on and pointed downhill towards a town Don previously hadn't noticed. That, or it just magically appeared, he couldn't tell. Dream or not, some really weird stuff was happening around here.

"Just go down there and meet the mayor of Munchkinville, and he can tell you where to go from there." She waved her wand, and the pink bubble formed around her again. Floating off she shouted one last scrap of information to the befuddled turtle. "MAKE SURE YOU TELL HIM YOU'RE GOING TO SEE THE WIZARD! IN EMERALD CITY!"

"Right." Don muttered, giving the bubble one last annoyed look before starting down the hill to the village below.

"This makes no sense whatsoever!" He ranted to Klunk during their descent. "What have I experienced lately that could possibly bring on a dream state like this? Was it something I ate? I told Mike that those mushrooms were not a good idea for pizza! And like an idiot I ate it anyway..." His rant slowed to a trickle as he entered town.

"Wow. Enter the little people, stage left." He muttered, looking about. This was definitely a lot smaller than any towns he'd ever visited before. Like it shrank, or something. As he wended his way through town to the square, he noticed that he was getting a lot of stares, and the small people were giving him a wide berth, some disappearing into their homes and shops. Soon the square was quite deserted.

"MONSTER!" Cried a shrill voice. Donnie whirled, much to Klunk's annoyance, to face a miniature version of an old friend of Aprils.

"Irma?!" He exclaimed, astonished that she'd ever wind up in his dreams.

"What do you want in our town!?" A gruff voice inquired roughly, its source stepping in front of the mini-Irma to protect her.

"CASEY?!" This was definitely getting weird. Well, weirder than before.

The miniature Casey drew himself up to his full height, all three feet two inches of it, and glowered at the turtle. "That's MAYOR Jones to you, beast." He unfolded one arm and shook his finger at Donatello, scolding, "You'd best be off, beasties, before the Witch is after you." he laughed meanly. "She don't brook no strangers in her land."

Don cocked his head, ignoring the insults. "Oh, you mean the Wicked Witch of the East?" Mayor Jones nodded gravely, still glaring up at Don. Which was weird for Don, because usually Casey towered above him. Don laughed. "Don't have to worry about her," "Him." "Oookay, him, because I accidentally buried him under a three story apartment and took his socks." Blank stares. Don sighed. "Yeah, he's dead."

"Dead?" Irma asked, peeking out from behind the Mayor. "He's really gone?"

"As a doornail."

"YAY!" Irma squealed, running to the center of the square. "EVERYONE! ITS SAFE TO COME OUT! The Witch is DEAD! The monster killed him!"

The place erupted in cheers, as Munchkins poured back out from their hiding places, startling Don and causing Klunk to duck down into his shell in fright.

"The Witch is dead! Ding dong, the Witch is dead!" Rang out in all quarters of the square, a repetitive song of thanks that was growing more annoying as the seconds ticked by. "Ding dong the Witch is dead, the Witch is dead, the monster crushed her head!" As Munchkins swarmed Donatello, singing their song of praise and thanks that he took out their tyrant ruler, he was busy scanning the throng for the Mayor, who had made himself scarce as quickly as he'd appeared earlier. He spotted him inside a tower that overlooked the square, watching the mass of Munchkins prance about in joy.

"Hey Mayor!" Don shouted over the din. "How do I get to the Wizard? Emerald City? HEY!"

The Mayor leaned his upper body out, and pointed at Donatello's feet, shouting something Don could barely make out.

"What was that?"

"Follow the yellow brick road!"

"Follow the yellow brick road?" Don asked, not quite sure that's what he'd heard. A Munchkin grabbed his hand.

It was the mini-Irma.

"Follow the yellow brick road!" She squealed in a singsong voice, "Follow the yellow brick road!" Other Munchkins joined in, adding their varying pitches to the song Irma was singing. "Follow, follow, follow, follow, follow the yellow brick road!" Don'e eye started a nervous tic as the Munchkins continued their atrocious singing. He looked down at his feet, saw the bricks leading out of town and took off, dragging poor little Irma along. Away from all the racket he asked, "This way is to Emerald City?"

Irma nodded enthusiastically, "Yep! That'll take you there! Stay straight on it and you'll be there in no time!"

Don breathed a huge sigh of relief. This wasn't going to take as long as he thought! Hopefully there were no more little people, or he might throw his beliefs in passivism to the winds and start tossing midgets around.

"All right then, Klunk, lets make turtle tracks."

Don took off at a dead run down the road, trying to get away from the scary little people and their oddball town as quickly as possible. On his way, he thought he heard someone, Irma, yell after him:

"IF YOU SEE A CUTE GUY SEND HIM MY WAY!"

* * *

End chapter one. 

Please R&R and I may actually finish the story!


	2. Chapter 2

TWoO Chapter two:

Disclaimer: I own not the TMNT nor anything therein affiliated. I only torture them for the sake of entertainment!

* * *

"Raphael, bring a cold compress," Master Splinter instructed upon learning how his second youngest wound up laid out upon the couch, out cold. "Leonardo, please go gather blankets and softer pillow for Donatello, and Michelangelo," He turned to the youngest, who suddenly found the floor very fascinating, "-As this was brought about by your instigation, please go clean up the mess in your brother's room." Raphael smirked at a chagrined and flustered Mike as he laid the fresh compress on Don's bruised forehead. That, unfortunately for him, did not go unnoticed by the wizened rat, who fixated a solid look of annoyance on him. 

"Raphael, as it was your rash decision to slam the door, you will assist your brother in cleaning up Donatello's lab." Raph groaned, and Mike stuck his tongue out at him. "Enough, my sons!" The rat smacked his cane on the ground, as the two slunk out of the den to Donnie's lab and the awaiting mess. It had taken them a solid three minutes to pull all the electronic junk and books off of him, as well as a considerable dose of Raph's strength to hoist him to the couch. Leonardo watched his brothers leave, their eyes sending taunts between them, and rose to follow. A hand arrested his efforts.

"Leonardo," Master Splinter said, his soft, furry voice calm. "I want you to watch over your brother, and please inform me immediately if anything else occurs."

"Yes Master Splinter." Leonardo acquiesced, bowing. Splinter patted his arm and shuffled back into his railcar, presumably to meditate.

Leo turned back toward his brother, who was beginning to twitch in his sleep. Beads of perspiration formed on Don's face, and he murmured something unintelligible in his blacked out state.

"Donnie?" Leo whispered, gently placing a hand on his unconscious brother's plastron. "Donnie, c'mon wake up…"

A twitch and a grunt was his only reply.

* * *

"Oh for cripes sake!" Donnie complained, as yet more golden bricks unfurled before him, after cresting what seemed like the fiftieth hill in two hours. After escaping the Munchkins he soon tired of running, opting for a more energy conserving walk with Klunk trotting along beside him, straying after an errant butterfly once and again. 

Squinting at the expanse of rich green cornfields fields sandwiching the dratted road he'd chosen to take, the hope that he'd find the Wizard and get the heck out of Ooze (before his brain overloaded from the nonsensical apparitions and complete lack of logic this dream world embraced so fully) vastly diminishing as he realized it would be later rather than sooner.

"Corn. Go figure." He muttered, a pained expression flitting through his eyes as the fields stretched across his line of sight, with nary else to see save for a few far-distant houses dotting the landscape like chips in a cookie. Sighing, he began trudging down the road towards the beckoning horizon, sweating in his ruby socks from the sweltering heat of the too large, too yellow sun above.

"You guys _really_ owe me, after all this is done."

* * *

"Why do I feel like I'm not going anywhere?" Don muttered, breathing heavily and wondering how much longer he could stand counting the rows of corn as he passed through the farmland. He also wondered how a reptile, even a mutated one, could produce sweat, let alone this much. He'd had to remove his socks not twenty minutes after he began his trek- they'd been thoroughly soaked from the sweat dripping down his front, back, everything! 

Nonetheless, Don urged his reluctant body forward despite its protests for water and reprieve from the unforgiving rays beating down from above. Klunk panted in his ear, perched yet again in the nook between Don's neck and carapace lip hiding in what little shade it provided, licking the sweat from Don's neck and shoulders in an attempt to hydrate.

Something glimmered in the distance. A shimmer of gray danced about, teasing at the very limit of the dripping turtle's vision. Could it be?

It was.

A junction not far up on the road offered not only a dilapidated shack surrounded by scrawny trees, providing an abundant source of shade to hide out from the sun and cool down in, but an old fashioned well! Don took off at a rambling shuffle, eager to take advantage of the blessed shelter ahead.

"Water!" Donnie praised, thanking the stars before he upended the full well bucket over his head. Klunk, who'd been cat-napping, spluttered his protest and darted off to the shade to cool off, clean off, and reclaim some of his dignity. "Cool, clean, beautiful water!" He exhaled deeply, savoring the feel of the crisp liquid coursing down his overheated self.

Filling another bucket, Donnie drank his fill with slightly less abandon than before, sending small rivulets of water splashing down his chin and neck, until he was satisfied.

"Hi!"

Donnie whirled about, causing his overfilled stomach to turn, and belched loudly.

"Wow dude, that's was way wicked! I give that one a six- maybe seven. Great projection and sound, but like, too short to rate more!"

Don frowned, unstrapping his Bo as he circled still seeking out the mysterious speaker. 'Where could he be... the shack?'

"Yo dude, up here." Don's head whipped around to the source of the voice and looked up... and up... and up, squinting into the shadowed face of a scarecrow tied to a pole, light from the sun behind it giving off a halo effect.

"Hey dude, could you give me a hand?" The shadowy scarecrow asked, wriggling against the pole. "I'd like to get down, man. Nothing up here but crows and blackbirds!" He giggled, "It's all 'cheep cheep' and 'caw caw' to them. No senses of humor at all, dude."

Don fought back the urge to smack himself a few times with his staff, gazing at the straw-stuffed giggle-box in disbelief. A few crows landed on its outstretched arms, jabbering loudly at each other, pecking at the poor creature's stuffing.

"Hey! Bird brain, leave the stuffin alone, ya hear? I'm already wastin' away as it is!"

"Hang on, I'll get you down," Don said, trotting over to the captive. Climbing up the pole he worked the lower knots on the pole loose, freeing its feet, which immediately began kicking at the air. Don swatted them out of the way, working his was over to the knots binding the arms to the crosspiece, and almost instantly got attacked by a wave of blackbirds intent on defending their territory.

CAWCAWCAWCAW!!!

"Yaaah!" Don shouted waving one hand about in an attempt to free the air about him of black feathers and fluff, legs firmly wrapped around the pole as his other finished freeing the scarecrow from his prison. The blackbirds were having none of it and doubled their efforts, cawing for reinforcements, pecking savagely at exposed flesh and straw.

"AGH! GET THESE BIRDS OFFA ME!" The scarecrow shrilled, jerking about furiously in an attempt to escape the aggressive avians streaking about in a manner akin to that of the popular film 'The Birds'. The final knot parted and the two tumbled into a heap at the foot of the pole, the green one cursing yet another lump added to his collection.

"Get your elbow out of my face!"

"Dude, your foot is in my ear! Yuck!"

"Look out!" Don cried as the flocking blackbirds began a dive bombing run, peppering them with little bird presents.

"Oh YUCK!" Don cried in revulsion as white goop trickled from his left shoulder down his arm. "That's disgusting!" he shouted at the birds, who replied with a resounding "CAW".

"Over here dude!" The scarecrow called, stumbling over to the shack Klunk had taken up residence in. Hastily ducking under a barrage of angry bird shit, Don executed a tuck and roll through the open door, which the scarecrow quickly slammed shut lest the blackbirds follow them in.

"Oh man, look at you!" The scarecrow pointed at Don, the other arm wrapped around his belly, as if to contain his mirth. Don scowled from his spot on the floor, a patina of dust added to the drippy mess he was coated in, thanks to his escape maneuver.

"Oh shut up, you overstuffed bag of garbage, you're no better off- MIKEY?!" Don's gaze went from the window to the scarecrow, who shuffled into a stream of light filtering through crack in the wall, eyeballs nearly escaping his head as his younger brother's mischievous face peered out at him from under the brim of the ratty hat. "What the heck are YOU doing here?" he paused, seeing Mike's blank look "Stupid question, never mind."

"Who's Mike, dude?" His 'brother' asked, slumping to the left as that leg gave out, straw spilling over the floor. Don hurried over to help him up. "Thanks, dude!" Don gave him a look, and Mike giggled as his right leg suddenly went down, leaving Don to support his full weight. This wasn't much, really, because apparently his brother was made of straw.

'What's next?' Don thought sarcastically, inwardly rolling his eyes. _'Raph in a dress as the evil queen and Leo in armor?'_ He shook his head clear of the disturbing images. _'Gods, I hope not!'_

"Yow!" Mike-the-scarecrow yipped as a button came loose on his plaid shirt, straw spilling everywhere and thinning his frame out considerably. "Dude, quick! Help me get myself together! A scarecrow without straw wouldn't be any kind of scarecrow at all!"

Don snickered, thinking of how Mikey back in the sewers would react to such dramatic weight loss. Probably whine and carry on about how he needed to make up for it with pizza and ho-ho's. A new sound (or lack thereof) reached the keen turtle's ears- dead silence.

Hastily stuffing the shirt with what clean straw he could recover from the floor and securing the button, Don released Mike-the-scarecrow (who promptly fell over) and peered out of the dust-streaked window to see if their trappers were still out and about. A shuffling indicated that Mike-the-scarecrow had dragged himself upright. Falling across the turtle's shoulders, he looked out the window as well, gasping at the scene before him.

Birds were everywhere. On corn stalks, the scarecrow pole and crossbar, the road, the roof- a massive carpet of moving black. Watching.

Waiting.

"Right, and that's not creepy." Mike-the scarecrow gulped, lurching away from the window to sit on a rough wooden stool, absently picking at the straw at his wrist. "So, like, what brings you to this part of Ooze?" He asked, tilting his head sideways at Donnie.

"I dunno, really." Don replied, turning to face Mike-the-scarecrow. He leaned against the windowsill, stroking his chin in a pensive matter. "All I do know is I got hit on the head, and woke up here. April, I mean, _Glinda's_ magic chalkboard said that I need to see the Wizard that supposedly lives in Emerald City." Don pointed over his shoulder out the window. "That road out there is supposed to take me there- hopefully that Wizard can get me to wake up, or something."

"Oh," Mike paused, concentrating hard on remembering where he'd heard of that before, face brightening a moment later. "Emerald city!" He exclaimed, "I've heard of that!" A blank look crossed his face, and he peered at Don, as if seeing him for the first time, again. "What's your name?"

"You already know my name, Mike!" Don said, forgetting his surroundings for a second. Mike-the-scarecrow gave him a fish-eyed look.

"Dude, I just met you. How the heck am I supposed to know your name? And why do you keep calling me "'Mike'?" Don gave an exasperated sigh.

"I hate this place" He mumbled before addressing Mike-the-scarecrow.

"My name is Donatello or Donnie for short." He crossed his arms. "If Mike's not your name, then what is?"

Mike opened his mouth to respond, and then paused, a look of intense concentration crossing his face.

"Uh," He floundered, "I'm not sure." Had this been an anime, Don would have face planted.

"You don't even know your name?" he asked, slapping a hand over his eyes. "Yeah, you're definitely Mikey."

Mike-the-scarecrow smiled. "Okay, my name is Mike! MikeMikeMikeMi-" Don clamped a hand over his mouth to quiet him. "Mmph!"

"Listen, Mike, it's been fun and all, but-" He looked out the window at the birds and swallowed, "I really need to get going. Like I said, I'm trying to get to Emerald City and see if the Wizard can get me the shell out of Ooze and back to my lair, my computer, my gadgets and junkyard trips..." He trailed off wistfully, eyes glazing over as he grew lost in memories. Memories of fixing his first appliance (a microwave), his first invention (the shell cell), to the most recent breakage of the TV... courtesy of Michelangelo, of course. And then there was the time…

"Dude? DUUUUDE... wakey wakey dude!" Mike waved his hand, snapping him out of his reverie.

"Anyway, I gotta go." Don's gaze raked the humble shacks interior, searching for an escape route from the evil dive-bombing birds from the seventh level of hell that would keep him from getting coated in more nastiness. His plan was chasing its tail upstairs when Mike's voice piped up again.

"Hey! I've got a brilliant idea!"

"What's that?" Don asked, not really paying attention.

"I'll go with you!"

"Say what?" Don asked, concentration broken, attention fully focused on Mike and the possible dire consequences of Mike's brilliant idea.

"I'll go with you to Emerald city!" Mike cheered, jumping from the chair and breaking out into a small jig. "Maybe the Wizard can help me too!"

Don gazed skeptically at the dancing scarecrow. "How could the Wizard help you?"

Mike stopped his jig, suddenly embarrassed. "Well... ya see... there this... Nevermind, you'd think it was stupid."

Don smiled. "C'mon Mike, you can tell me."

A glimmer of something, possibly hope, entered Mike's rich brown eyes. "You see... I've always wanted a brain. You know, so I could be smart. Like you are, Donnie!"

Don paused. This was definitely a version of Mike not often seen. Mike was the goofster that didn't have a care in the world! Where did he come up with this guy? Was this the maifestation of some wild hope he secretly harbored in his subconscious that Mike would one day choose to use the gray matter at his disposal? 'Not likely' Don thought, staring at Mike like he'd grown a second and third head. Mike's face fell. "You think he can't help me, don't you."

"Uh, no- I'm sure the Wizard can help." Don awkwardly assured Mike, causing a broad grin spread across the latter's face.

"All right!" Mike exclaimed, launching into an even more energetic dance than before, bursting into spontaneous song:

"We're off to see the Wizard, the wonderful Wizard of Oz!" He sang with fervor, just off key enough to make Don flinch. His song continued even as Don called Klunk out of his hiding spot, who refused on the grounds of water induced humiliation at first, then came when it became apparent that they were about to leave.

"Are you coming or not?" Don called to the dancing Mike.

"Duh!"

"Well, hang on to your straw; we're going to have to _run_!"

* * *

Half an hour later, Don, Klunk (who, after being introduced to Mike found him to be an excellent walking plaything, to the scarecrow's chagrin), and Mike stopped their trek at a brook on the edge of a forest that somehow, maybe magically, appeared ahead of them around a bend in the road. Using the resource at hand, Don washed the caked remnants of their 'Battle of the Birds' away, taking a short break to lie on the sweet smelling grass to dry. The sun apparently hadn't moved since Don started his trip, as it was still as bright as noon, even after what seemed like hours passed by. Weird. Then again, what wasn't in this crazy mixed-up world of Ooze? 

Clean and dry once more, the three continued their journey down the road through the forest, sticking close to the edge where trees (that appeared to grin, as what sounded like soft laughter rustled through the leafy green foliage) provided quick cover. Don's nerves began sending warning signals as motion caught the edge of his vision. He tripped, landing heavily, something quite unusual of someone with his ninja abilities.

"You okay dude?" Mike asked, extending a gloved hand to help him up. Don took the proffered hand, frowning as he looked at an inconspicuous tree standing close by. He could have sworn that root moved. Mike patted him on the shoulder reassuringly. 'Hey dude, it's okay. Balance can be difficult for me, too" He smiled, as his right leg wobbled a bit, causing him to lose his and fall. Don laughed at the irony, and helped him up, keeping one hand at Mike's elbow in case he began to take another spill. Mike giggled and linked his arm with Don's.

"What're you doing?" Don asked, apprehensive. Mike merely gave a broad grin and an even broader wink. His mouth opened:

"Weeeee're off to see the Wizard, the wonderful Wizard of Ooze. You'll find he is a whiz of a Wiz! If ever a Wiz! there was. If ever oh ever a Wiz! there was The Wizard of Ooze is one because Because, because, because, because, BECAUSE! Because of the wonderful things he does! We're off to see the Wizard. The Wonderful Wizard of Ooze!"

A thought struck Don, sending a quiver of something akin to horror through him.

"Are you going to sing that awful song the ENTIRE trip, Mike?" Don asked, almost afraid of what the answer would be.

"Indubitably!"

Don groaned. It was going to be a long trip.

* * *

Authors note: Okay, second chapter is done! Finally! Now what will await the traveler's next? rubs hands together 


End file.
